Some days ago I found funny quotes on internet, so I am going to write them here.
-With great power....
comes great electricity bills.
-Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues......
-If you fall, I'll be there. -The floor
-I don't have an attitude problem! I just have a personality you can't handle.
-Teacher, "Why are you talking during my lesson?" Student replies, "Why are you teaching during my conversation?"
-Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "You're next!" So I started doing the same at funerals.
-Preschool: Sit you behind a desk, and tell you not to break anything. School: Tell you it's a lot harder in high school. High School: Tell you it's a lot harder in College/University. College/University: Tell you it's a lot harder in the real-world. Real-World: Sit behind a desk and don't break anything.
-Girls, sometimes your knight in shining armor, is just a retard in tin-foil.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-Sorry, I can't today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's nephew's fish died. And yes, it was tragic.
-I hate it when people see me at the market and are all like, "Hey! What are you doing here?" And I'm all like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants."
-You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
-Last year for Christmas, I asked Santa for the sexiest person in the world.... and I woke up in a box.
-Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions.
-If Women could read minds, every second, a man would be slapped. The hard part would be finding the ones that weren't slapped.
-How to tell someone their breath stinks without hurting their feelings, "Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth"
-Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically for no apparent reason, and the whole world will leave you alone.
-Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
-Girls, stop waiting for Prince Charming. The poor idiot might be stuck in a tree or something!
-Don't think of yourself as ugly! Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey! (But seriously, everyone is beautiful!)
-Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues......
-If you fall, I'll be there. -The floor
-I don't have an attitude problem! I just have a personality you can't handle.
-Teacher, "Why are you talking during my lesson?" Student replies, "Why are you teaching during my conversation?"
-Old people at weddings always poke me and say, "You're next!" So I started doing the same at funerals.
-Preschool: Sit you behind a desk, and tell you not to break anything. School: Tell you it's a lot harder in high school. High School: Tell you it's a lot harder in College/University. College/University: Tell you it's a lot harder in the real-world. Real-World: Sit behind a desk and don't break anything.
-Girls, sometimes your knight in shining armor, is just a retard in tin-foil.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
-Sorry, I can't today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's nephew's fish died. And yes, it was tragic.
-I hate it when people see me at the market and are all like, "Hey! What are you doing here?" And I'm all like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants."
-You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
-Last year for Christmas, I asked Santa for the sexiest person in the world.... and I woke up in a box.
-Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions.
-If Women could read minds, every second, a man would be slapped. The hard part would be finding the ones that weren't slapped.
-How to tell someone their breath stinks without hurting their feelings, "Well, I'm bored. Let's go brush our teeth"
-Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Laugh hysterically for no apparent reason, and the whole world will leave you alone.
-Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
-Girls, stop waiting for Prince Charming. The poor idiot might be stuck in a tree or something!
-Don't think of yourself as ugly! Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey! (But seriously, everyone is beautiful!)
-I need a six month vacation twice a year.
-I'm not arguing. I'm simply explaining why I am right.
-What I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous; I stop, stare, and when I get tired of looking, I put the mirror down.
-There are so many people who will tell you, "You can't." you just have to turn around and say, "Watch me."
-Politeness has become so rare that people mistake it for flirting.
-You seem upset. Why don't you post more about it on Facebook? That should help eliminate any drama.
-When you feel like nobody loves you.... Nobody cares for you.... Everyone is ignoring you, and they seem jealous, just ask yourself..... Am I really that sexy?
-Insane? I prefer the term mentally hilarious!
-Stalking? I prefer intense research of an individual.
-*In an awesome British accent* Pardon me Sir Gangster, but your trousers are descending.
-I'm not sarcastic, I'm just intelligent beyond your understanding.
-When someone says, "Expect the unexpected." slap them in the face and say, "You didn't expect that did you?"
-That fail moment when you think of a comeback 10 minutes after the conversation.
-Teacher, "Where's your book?" Student, "At home." Teacher, "And what's it doing there?" Student, "Having more fun than me."
-Teacher, "You should know this, you learned it two years ago." Student, "I don't even remember what I ate for breakfast!"
-Everyone has the right to be stupid.... It's just that some people abuse that privilege.
